


Connected

by AuroraNoirInStardust



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: At this point nothing I think of is original, Author hasn't written in 10 years, Ben’s a little needy, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Devoted Reylo, Emotional Abuse, Evil Snoke, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Shenanigans, Heartbreak but with hope, I blame this on my actress brain, Nightmares, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Baby, Slow Burn, Soft!Ben, This ship has wrecked me, Vignette, We’re headed to Romance Novel territory, force bond dreams, i don't know where i'm going with this, tropes galore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-29 12:05:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17203100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNoirInStardust/pseuds/AuroraNoirInStardust
Summary: When they touched hands, Ben and Rey both see a glimpse into their futures that strings them together more than they ever realized.A collection of forcebond moments. No real narrative, just playing with some ideas on a connected theme. :)





	1. Break-Up

**Author's Note:**

> I am newly aboard this ship and I must admit, I haven't written fanfiction... or really anything for fun... in over 10 years. But I am overly obsessed with this two beautiful characters and the possibility that they hold. So much so that it, along with many of you beautiful authors, have compelled me to dust off my metaphorical pen and try again. So thank you to all of you lovely Reylo writers! You are an inspiration! I'm an actress by trade, so I'm a wordy bastard... Please be gentle with me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Battle of Crait, the bond reconnects Ben and Rey, both still raw and hurting from their emotional encounter. A part of their future vision comes to light, the one part they both saw with the same interpretation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene has a moment that makes me nervous... I don't have a beta or anyone I can bounce ideas off of, so I just went with my own judgement and let it be. That being said, I may want to put a trigger warning to a very small reference to physical violence. It's fleeting and tiny and really nothing, but if you are sensitive, please skip the paragraph that starts with "He reached out and Rey felt she should run."

The bond was cruel at times. The way it started with no control, no way to prevent it or pause it. Rey was not ready to face him, but yet, despite all her willing, she felt that now familiar tug on her senses. The sound was sucked from the room and Ben materialized out of the corner of her eye. She quickly adverted her gaze and refused to look his direction. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“Rey...” His voice was too soft, too low... too wrapped with tenderness for what had transpired mere hours ago. 

“I said I have nothing to say to you.” She growled through her teeth. 

“Rey. Just let me explain- “. His voice was urgent, but still calm. And that just angered Rey more. 

“Explain!” She interjected, finally turning to face him, a bitter laugh rolling from her lips. “Explain what? You tried to blow me out of the sky!”

“You abandoned me.” They were words that should be laced with anger, but instead they came out frightened, as if said by a child and not the man that was before her. That fearful tone stung more than if he had hurled them in rage. “You rejected me and then abandoned me.”

The vulnerability in his words made Rey pause before she answered, made her decide that honesty, rather than venom, would be best. “I didn’t want to just leave you there, Ben. I almost didn’t.” And she smiled faintly. “But... did I really have another choice?”

“You could have stayed- “

“And turn my back on the only family I’ve ever known? Stand by and watch as they perished by the First Order’s hands? Is that really what you wanted me to do? Betray my friends and join the enemy?” 

His hand contracted into a fist and the leather of his gloves strained against his tense grasp. His voice came out strangled with frustration “I wanted to start over. Start fresh. Rebuild from the ground up.” His jaw clenched and reset, as he searched for his words, “I’m not an articulate man when it comes to... to things like this.” And his voice softened, along with his eyes. “Rey, I wasn’t asking you to join the First Order. I was asking you to rule quite literally by my side as my counterpoint, as... as my Empress. And all that _that_ entails.”

She felt her mouth go dry as the realization of what he had truly been asking her in the throne room hit her. He took a small step towards her, “Rey, I could give you everything you have ever wanted. Everything you’d ever need. The kind of power that- “

And with that, she was broken out of her reverie, “I have no need for the power you offer. I refused to be turned and twisted to the Dark to be a weapon, a pawn in their game. Can’t you see that’s what Snoke was molding you to be?”

That struck a nerve. She felt it rippled through their bond. He hissed out, “I am no one’s pawn.”

“Yes, you are. If you can’t see that...” And she stopped herself. No, chastising him, goading him would only make him withdraw into his anger and she could tell that he had been trying- in his own awkward, inarticulate way- to open himself up. She took one hesitant step toward him, her voice lower and softer than before. “Ben... Why didn’t you come with me, return to the Light? I was so certain... We could have started anew, started on that path that we saw when we touched-”

“No.” His retort was biting. “You fear becoming a weapon of the Dark, but if I would have come with you, that’s the fate that would have awaited me.” Rey make a sound to object, but he continued, his voice low and dangerous, “You call _me_ the pawn? Do you not think that your precious Resistance wouldn’t hesitate to use you... to use us... just the same?” 

He reached out and Rey felt she should run. She could sense the rage starting to bubble inside him and she wondered, for a moment, if the bond would allow him to strike her in anger. But no such blow came, and she mentally chastised herself for even wondering, however briefly, if he would lash out at her in such a way.

Especially when he tentatively cupped her cheek with his hand and cradled her face with gentleness. Though their strange connection, she felt that anger inside him melt away. He tilted her face, bringing her eyes to his and she was lost in those dark depths. “Rey, they don’t care about you the way that I do. They can’t give you what I can. No, our shared future lies in us burning the past to the ground, forging our own way- “

His words broke the spell his touch had over her and she found the strength to withdraw from his embrace, “Still obsessed with burning the past. Letting it die. You don’t just get to wipe your slate clean, Ben. That’s not how it works...”

She shook her head. They were still on opposite sides in more ways than one. And she wondered if they would ever see their future with the same eyes, wondered if the vision they saw was even remotely the same. And so, she chose her next words carefully, even though every one of them cracked her heart a little more. “No, if that is truly what you want from me... what you want from us... then I was wrong. We were wrong.” She stepped back and turned away from him. She heard his footsteps start to follow her and she stopped him with her words, silently cursing that she was unable to mask the sadness that tinged her voice, “I said I saw that you wouldn’t bow before Snoke and you didn’t. You said I would stand with you, and I did. Perhaps that future we saw was merely that for one fleeting moment, we would fight side-by-side instead of against one another. Nothing more.” She glanced back at him and the tears glistening in her hazel eyes betrayed her words, “It was the foolish fantasy of a foolish girl who created dreams from shadows. I know better now.” 

“No! No, don’t you dare lie to me, Rey.” And in one swift movement he closed the space she had created between them, his face a breath away from hers. “When you left me in the throne room, I thought Snoke was right. I thought he created the bond. I thought he fabricated everything between us. But then we connected again...” 

His hand caught hers and her breath hitched in her throat. She glanced at their entwined fingers and felt her courage starting to crumble. She didn’t dare raise her eyes to meet his again, knowing that if she did those depths would ensnare her and she’d be unable to do stand her ground. “Ben... please.... don’t...” she choked out, reluctantly untangling her hand from his before backing away, meeting the wall of her room. This time he didn’t chase her retreat, but his words continued to chip away at her resolve. 

“I can’t do this alone, Rey. I’ve seen what we could be... What we WILL be. I want you by my side. I need you...”

“I can’t be what you want me to be, Ben.” She raised her face to the ceiling and braced herself against the cool wall, still turned away from him so he wouldn’t see the tears streaming down her cheeks. “And I can’t do this anymore. Please... just leave me alone.”

And he didn’t speak. He didn’t press or advance. The silence felt strange and damning after their exchange. She bit her lip to stifle a sob that threatened to spill from her. Just when she was sure that she wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore, she heard him breath out, barely above a whisper, “I won’t stop fighting for you, Rey... or for her.”

“Her?” Rey’s heart stopped. The shadowy shape that danced before her eyes when they touched. She had convinced herself that it was a mirage composed of her longing, but if he saw it too... Hope flooded her whole body and she used its momentum to turn herself around to confront him. 

He was gone. The bond had disconnected and nothing but emptiness greeted her.


	2. “There’s a crack in everything, it’s how the light gets in.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bond starts during one of Ben’s nightmares and Rey gets a window into what he went through at Snoke’s hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It’s the ole “The Force would TOTALLY connect them during a nightmare” trope! This was actually my first idea for a little moment between them MONTHS ago, but I knew that it would get too intimate for it to be the very first time they’ve connected after Crait. And is that the start of a slow burn I sense? Oh yes it is! Or at least my attempt at it. This story may just take a sexy direction after all... I regret nothing. 
> 
> This chapter really took on a life of it’s own and I just followed it were it wanted to go. Snoke is in this chapter (don’t worry, he is still actually dead), and I should maybe warn that he is a sick, twisted asshole. Some of the things said in the nightmare are a little... disturbing. At least I think so. So read the nightmare (all italicized and between “********”) with caution if mild sexually explicit content, adult-ish language and emotional abuse is a trigger. I’m not sure if I should change the rating, but I might to cover my butt. We’re firmly in PG-13 territory. 
> 
> Also, not beta-ed, so all mistakes are my own. I welcome constructive criticism as this is my first attempt at a story in YEARS, but please be kind. Comments give me life and feed my soul.

Rey sat on her small bed at the base and hugged her knees to her chest. Ben’s words had played on repeat in her head all day- _“I won’t stop fighting for you, Rey... or for her.”_

_Her._ She let the implication of that word wrap around her. Whatever the Force showed him within his vision, he must have also seen the same brief flash of that little girl. She had only appeared for moment, so brief Rey thought she must be mistaken. The small form had faded into the cold, damp air of the hut when Luke burst into the room, severing their connection. 

Rey let go of her knees and let her feet dangle off the edge of her bunk. Even though her heart ached at the thought, if she was honest with herself, she still wasn’t sure how she felt about what their their vision foretold. A daughter (and the way her whole being had soared at the sight of her told her that it was her child)... She’d never even thought about children of her own. She had spent most of her life desperately clinging to her own shattered childhood, waiting on parents who gave her up without a second thought. A home. Someone who loved her. A family of her own. These she counted as luxuries, as fanciful dreams that weren’t allowed an orphaned scavenger from Jakku. 

And then there was the simple fact that there had been no mistaking who the girl’s father was. She had his deep eyes, his dark hair, his pouting lips. But Rey’s round face, dimples, and nose. And she swore that she had seen Ben, with a _smile_ on his face, swoop in behind the girl to lift her into his arms right before the vision dissipated. Her heart raced and her hands started to tremble. With them so firmly clinging to their respective sides, Light and Dark, she was struggling to see a way that they would get to a place where this child could come into being. Where they would be able to be together... 

She stopped herself. Was that even what she wanted? She had tried to push him away, yes, but because of their situation, their own stubbornness to stand their ground and try to pull the other one to their side. The way he had advanced on her when they last spoke... it was predatory in a way that caused her stomach to flip and her mouth to run dry. The way his hand had gently cradled her cheek. How those damned eyes of his held hers captive. How the air seemed to crackle with electricity. His lips just a deep breath away from hers... Her cheeks burned, her pulse raced, and she felt herself grow lightheaded. 

And maybe it was because she was thinking of him. Maybe it was because that deep, dark desire within her that she was failing to repress reached out to him. Maybe it was because the Force just took joy in putting them in precarious situations. She felt their bond start. The rush of sound being sucked out of the room. The defening silence. She felt his presence take form behind her. And she tried, to no avail, to slow her racing heart. 

“Ben...” she whispered out, her mind still hazy. That instinctual pull from deep in her core make her hope he would advance on her again, wrap his arms around her with her name on his lips. She knew that she currently lacked the strength or clarity of mind to push him away, especially with her body currently all but screaming for his touch. 

But that touch didn’t come. In fact, he didn’t speak at all. She frowned, and then noticed that she failed to sense his boring, penetrating gaze. Instead she felt his presence in the force trembling, heard his shallow breath and intelligible moans. A nagging sensation of fear stirred in her belly and she shifted in her bed to face him.

He was laying next to her. Her cheeks colored deeper to see him, laying on her bed, bare from the waist up. But then she noticed that his face was paler than marble. His brow was beaded with sweat and furrowed and hands were clenching at what she assumed where his sheets. His head rolled back and forth and he was whispering words she couldn’t make out threw bared teeth. 

He was asleep. And he was in the midst of a nightmare. 

Rey watched him for a moment. His eyelids fluttered wildly, his subconscious obviously doing battle. He looked again like the frightened child awoken to find his uncle posed to kill him, like the heartbroken man who had been kneeling before her as she forced herself to close the door on him. 

Tentatively, she reached out and touched his shoulder, feather-light. Just enough to create the contact needed. Almost instantly, the act of connecting with him skin-to-skin brought him into her space, fully into her little room. The bed sagged and groaned with the added weight and she shifted to give him more space. 

She reached out to him through the Force, wanting to just simply send a soothing calm to him. But something grasped at her mind, grabbed at her with desperation and she was dragged into his nightmare. 

 

********

_They were back in the throne room, but she saw everything from his point of view. She was on her knees in front of him. Her own eyes pleading with him, terrified as his lightsaber pointed at her chest, nestled against her racing heart. This moment was still fresh, emblazoned in her own mind..._

__

_But he words she heard, dripping black and sickly, were not the words Snoke had spoken to them. And even stranger, they weren’t vocalized. They echoed in Ben’s head, reverberated against his thoughts._

__

_“Kill the girl. Kill her light and finally fully embrace the Dark.”_

__

_She felt Ben tremble and he whispered in his mind, “I can’t...”_

__

_Snoke tsked him, disappointment painting his words. “Foolish child. You still have compassion for the little would-be Jedi, don’t you? Ah.... and something else now... Something deeper. More... intimate. Yes, you FEEL for her.”_

__

_Ben stammered. “I-”_

__

_“Oh, but it’s more that that. You have passion for her. Lust. You crave her.”_

__

_“No.” It was a lie. Ben knew it. Rey felt it. And so did Snoke. He laughed with bitter delight._

__

_“No? Don’t lie to me, boy! I’ve seen every corner of your thoughts. I know the shameful dreams you awake from, the desire the runs through your veins when she gazes as you with feigned innocence and poisoned sweetness. You envision taking her, don’t you? You yearn see her naked body beneath you, writhing for you, clinging to you, crying out your name in passion... such weakness of the flesh. Such shame that does not befit the heir of Vader.”_

__

_“Get out of my head...” He pleaded._

__

_Still he toyed further, “Tell me! Does it excite you even now to see her on her knees for you? Does it thrill you?”_

__

_“Leave her alone...”_

__

_“Why? You brought her to me, like a good child.” And Rey could hear the twisted smile edging his words. “Did you think I would let you keep her? That you could play with her? Or did you think she would join herself to you? Give in to her darkness and your insatiable lust? Either way, you’re a fool.”_

__

_“I... I don’t know...” He was cracking. This man who Rey saw as an absolute force of nature was being reduced to a whimpering child by his master. And he was using her as the bait..._

__

_“Look at her. Look at her face. Her eyes. She’s terrified of you. Petrified for her life. She thinks you a monster. She told you as much. Do you really think that she could care for a monstrosity like you? Share her bed with the creature that haunts her dreams?”_

__

_Rey felt his fragile resolve slipping farther and farther. He didn’t answer, but he mentally hung his head in shame. Rey wanted to interject but she had no power here in his mind. She was helpless to do anything but watch. She knew it was a dream, but still felt Snoke’s slimy grip pry and delve though Ben’s mind as if it were her own, until he found the one thought Ben tried to keep tucked away safe. And he laughed as he wrenched it from his head._

__

_“Oh my... You actually hoped that she would love you?” He cackled wildly and then sighed. “Stupid, silly child you are. To fall for the oldest trick in the book: a woman’s wiles. She’s just using you. Playing you. Bating her pretty eyes, whispering your dead name with honeyed sweetness. Did you honestly believe that she could love **you**? Your parents were terrified of you. Your own uncle tried to murder you in your sleep. Your peers tormented you. Why would she be any different? **I** am the one who took you in when you were betrayed. **I** am the only one who will ever care for what you are, what you are destined to become. She is nothing. She doesn’t love you. She never will. She only wants to use you, use your powers to her own advantage. Then she’ll throw you away, toss you aside like garbage.” _

__

_Rey tried to plead with Ben to not listen, that every word was a lie, but again, she could do nothing. She felt something shift inside him. She felt Ben slip away in disgrace and Kylo Ren nodded his head in agreement._

__

_“Good. Now end your torment of this lying temptress. Strike down the Jedi whore. Kill her. Ignite your saber and complete your training.”_

__

_A terrible darkness swept over his heart. His trembling hand steadied. His vision seemed to sharpen, and even though she was looking at herself through his eyes, she felt those eyes grow cold._

__

_She watched the Rey before them draw a terrified breath and then there was nothing but the hiss of a saber and blinding, red light._

__

 

__

__

********

__

__  


And with that Rey was thrust out of his dream and Ben bolted upright, gasping.

__

“Rey! No!”

__

“Ben! Ben, shhhh....”

__

His hands found both of her wrists and wrapped around them, perhaps too tightly. His eyes were wild and desperate, searching and unfocused “Rey? Rey, is that... You’re alive... But I killed- ”

__

“Ben... Ben, shhhhh... You didn’t hurt me. I’m ok. It was just a nightmare.”

__

His dark eyes searched her face, as if he couldn’t believe that she was real. She noticed that they were rimmed with tears. He stared at her for a moment, his breath ragged. “You were there. I felt you. In my head. You were in my head...”

__

She gave a small nod. “We connected. The bond started. While you were sleeping. Something pulled me into your nightmare. I coudn’t do anything but watch him torture you... ”

__

His vise-like grip on her wrists lessened and his hands slipped down, coming to rest on at her forearms. She placed her hands gently on his chest. The gesture felt almost too intimate to her. But he let her, showing no hesitation. He tried to calm his breathing, tried to still his racing heart by taking deep steady breaths into her palms. 

__

“Good. Breathe, Ben. It’s over now.”

__

“How much did you hear?” Ben suddenly snapped his head up. 

__

Rey adverted her eyes. “It doesn’t matter... It was a dream...”

__

“How much, Rey?” And he leaned into her, his commanding voice dropping an octave. Her eyes rose back up to meet his.

__

“Everything...”

__

She felt embarrassment radiate from him and he tried to roll over, pull away from her, but Rey stopped him. “Ben... Look at me. Don’t you dare be ashamed about that. For feeling. For being human... And for having that used against you.” He stopped trying to struggling away from her, but his eyes remained downcast. She tried to tilt his chin to have him look at her. “Is that what was actually going on in the throne room? Was he actually saying those things in your mind?”

__

“No.” He sounded small now, like a child being scolded. “Not all of it. It was exaggerated. Expanded. Pulled from other times he would... punish me for my weakness...”

__

“It’s not weakness. It’s strength. To feel. To care. To... to desire...” She couldn’t help a light blush from coloring her cheeks. She tucked a stray lock of his hair behind his ear and let her hand rest on his shoulder. “And it’s all over now. It was a dream. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

__

“He still can. He’s gone, but he’s still in... my... head.” And he punctuated each word by slamming his palm against his forehead. 

__

Rey reached for his hands and took them in hers. “Stop that!”

__

“Snoke’s influence is still here... still whispering those horrible things... those twisted, vile words.” He yanked his hands away from her, as if afraid that his touch would harm her. He stared at his hands, “I killed you. My own subconscious killed you....” And he buried them into his hair, yanking at it in frustration, rocking slightly. 

__

Rey felt her heart break. She only got a taste of the torture he had received at his master’s hands and it made the bile rise in her throat. She grabbed either side of his face and made him look at her. “Don’t punish yourself for this. Remember: you SAVED me in the throne room. You killed him.”

__

He leaned in closer to her, eyes darkening. He swallowed. “But Rey... I can’t say that if I hadn’t already made up my mind to kill him... If I hadn’t had the goal of winning you over, to join me, to rid the galaxy of him so he couldn’t inflict his torture on you... that he wouldn’t have been able to to get to me like you saw in the dream. That I wouldn’t have ignited my saber and ended you...”

__

Rey stared at him. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “But you didn’t” She said, conviction coloring her words, trying to convince herself as much as him. 

__

“But I _am_ capable of it.” He took her small hands from off his face and held them in his own. They were like ice, clammy, and still trembling slightly. “I am not a good man, Rey. I am the monster that you think of me. You are right to want me to leave you alone...”

__

Rey shushed him again and reached up, letting her fingers trace the scar on his face, her scar. He gasped slightly at her touch. She followed it from his eyebrow, down his cheek. She let her hand rest against his chin, her thumb extending to fit in the grove that continued up his face. “I am not afraid of you, Ben. You’ve done horrible things, yes. But you’ve had horrible things done to you. Let me _in_. Let me try... It’s not too late...” 

__

Slowly, their other hands entwined fingers. He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb and she hummed at the sensation. They leaned closer to each other, so close that Rey pressed her forehead to his. 

__

Then something happened. A small, warm glow of light started to radiated from Rey’s fingers tracing Ben’s scar. It glowed bright between them and then seeped into his skin. They both pulled back with a gasp. 

__

“What was that?” Ben breathed out, holding her at arm’s length. “What did you do?”

__

“I don’t know, I didn’t try...” She stared at her hand that had been on his face, looking at it as if it had betrayed her, closing it into a fist. “Did I hurt you? Ben, I’m sorry... I...” Rey stammered, terrified she that had inflicted more pain on him after the emotional onslaught he’d already endured tonight. 

__

And it was his turn to comfort her, as he shushed her softly. “No, Rey. It didn’t hurt. It was just...” He took her hand again in his, coaxing her fingers from it’s fist. He turned her hand over in his and lightly traced the lines of her palm with his fingertips, as if memorizing them. “It was warm. It was comforting... .”

__

She breathed out in relief and smiled lightly at him, relishing the feather-light touches of his fingertips on her skin. She then took in his eyes, the dark purple shadows blooming there, the wariness that painted his features. “Ben? Do you have nightmares often?”

__

He hesitated just a moment before answering her, “Ever since I can remember. I don’t really sleep. Not deeply or well at least.”

__

She bit her lip and stole herself to ask the question that was forming on the tip of her tongue. It came out shaky and breathless, “Would you like me to sleep with you tonight?”

__

Ben just stared at her, eyes wide. What little color that had returned to his face quickly drained. Rey, however, turned crimson as her brain processed how her question must have been interpreted. 

__

“No... That came out wrong...” Her mouth tripped over her words, her thoughts a jumble. “I didn’t mean... ‘SLEEP’ sleep... I wouldn’t... Not that I would never... I mean... I just... Oh, kriff...” And she hid her face in her hands, mortified.

__

Ben watched her as he bit his cheek, trying hard not to laugh. It was endearing, really, how flustered she was, how flushed her cheeks were. He finally spoke, to gently end her self-inflicted torment “Rey. Stop. Yes... I thought at first... but that just because, as much as I try to hide it, I’m still just a man... But I know what you meant.” And he again cradled her check with his hand. “You are sweet. Caring. And I don’t deserve it. I don’t want to ask that of you. Besides I’ve... I’ve never shared a bed with a woman before. For sleep or... otherwise...”

__

“Neither have I. With a man, I mean.” She swallowed. “And you aren’t asking. I’m offering. I don’t want to leave you alone. Not after what I just saw. Let me stand sentinel against your fears for tonight.” Rey leaned back against the pillows and arranged herself to make room for Ben’s large frame beside her. This moment felt fragile, both innocent and dangerous all at once and that fact was not lost on either of them. Ben stared at her like she was a goddess. Her cheeks were no longer flaming, but a soft, becoming pink. Her hair splayed out on her pillow like a holo and she opened her arms to him, her hazel eyes soft and shy. “Just lay down and rest. I’ll stay awake as long as I can to keep the bond open.”

__

He took a moment, before he slowly lowered himself back down to the bed, laying by her side, but as far away as the small bed would allow. She slipped an arm under his neck and wrapped her other arm around his upper back and pulled to bring him closer to her. He was stiff and ridged in her arms, breathing shallow, as if afraid that one wrong movement and he would frighten this ethereal creature offering him comfort or their bond would disconnect to leave them both bereft and wanting. 

__

“Relax, Ben.” She whispered. “Just... just let me be here for you. For tonight.”

__

Rey brought one hand up to his hair and started to run her fingers through it. It was as soft as she imagined it to be. He smelled clean and masculine, like leather and soap and something spicy. She breathed him in for a moment and let her hand twirl a lock of his ebony hair around her finger, her other hand resting gently at his shoulder blades.

__

He stared at her, awestruck. He must have been touched like this before. Her gentle fingers through his hair brought back vague memories. But they were distant, foggy remnants of a stolen childhood. Years, decades had past since he had allowed anything but violence to touch him. Until her. Until her touch. 

__

They held each other’s gaze as the temperature of the room seemed to rise steadily. His breath become unsteady and heavy, and it matched her own. She felt a sudden and desperate need to lick her lips and as she did, she watched Ben’s eyes follow the movement of her mouth. He swallowed deep and let a ragged breath escape from parted lips. She stopped breathing when she felt him lean in, pulling himself closer to her and she closed her eyes, her lips anticipating his... 

__

But they fell instead on her neck, sweetly and chastely, as he lay his head on her chest. His arms wound around her small waist as he hugged her to him, strong arms and large hands enveloping her. His breathing slowed and it took her a moment to realize that he had pressed his ear to her chest to listen to her heartbeat, soothing himself with it’s steady rhythm, assuring him that she was alive and that it had only been a dream. A small drop of wetness splattered on her breast and she felt him nuzzle her, as if to hide the evidence. 

__

She was overwhelmed. The man the galaxy saw as the fearsome Emperor of the First Order was laying in her arms, trying to hide his tears, holding onto her as if his very life depended on it. And maybe, in that moment it did. He’d almost kissed her. She’d felt his want in that moment as it echoed her own and she was shocked by how much it ached that he had not leaned forward that last inch to claim her. Her lips, still tingling in anticipation, sought relief by pressing a light, sweet kiss on the top of his head. She could swear that she felt his lips curl into a smile at that, before his energy signature stilled. She stayed awake as long as she could, breathing in Ben Solo, her hand tangled in his hair, his breath warm on her chest, her body languid from the heat of him pressed against her. 

__

It was comfortable. It was easy. “This is home...” She dreamily thought as she drifted off to sleep. 

__

They both woke up alone the next morning, in their separate beds, more rested then they had every felt... with a smile on their lips and the faint laughter of a little girl ringing in their ears.

__


End file.
